It was only 8.30am and i’d had enough. Our morning had disended into chaos with raging spats over breakfast, tatty hair to disentangle, an over tired baby to console, an over zealous toddler running riot and me still wearing my pyjamas for the impending school run….
I headed for the smallest room in the house, closed the door, moved the toddler stool out of the way and sat down on the loo with my pancake…
Can you remember a time you escaped to the bathroom and enjoyed a moment of sweet, sweet silence? It may not have been with a pancake but you too have gathered yourself together, breathed slow and grappled for some perspective. I have friends who nip out to the back garden to eat biscuits so their kids don’t scream for a share.
How much of our day do we spend looking forward to the evening when the miniatures are back in bed? Let’s be honest, it’s a reoccurring thought… Sometimes I rarely have the Coco Pops in the bowl before I feel overwhelmed at the prospect of another day. And then the little man falls off his chair and there’s LOUD wailing at 7am. I wonder if our neighbours use the horrendous noise we generate as their own personal clock…. As I sat in the bathroom wondering how long I could hide without endangering my cherubs, I felt this wave of anxiety. I was uptight and overwhelmed about the things I had to get done, crushed at my poor attempts to discipline the kids and annoyed at the state of our home.
‘When the world strives the wise are still’ Ann Voskamp
Striving. Those pressurised steps we take to get more done, to achieve more, to be more productive, to be faster. Oh how I strive! Constantly pushing for the accolade of well done. And yet, oh how I long to be still! To carry a stillness with me despite the increased levels of chaos in our household and beyond. This stillness being the nearness of God, His presence, His grace and strength and power. It works best in my floundering weaknesses! God help me with this.
Slowly, slowly in my bathroom I was reminded of God’s grace.
God said, ‘Listen child I’ve got this, I’m giving you everything you need for today. My grace is enough for all of it and millions more. You are living life loved.’
And I pray I can soak up this truth. To let the meaning and the power rise up in my heart.
In those small private moments God moved towards me. And I managed to still my heart long enough to receive from Him. Everyday life can be made up of the small moments can’t it? The small battles, the gut reactions to small situations, the small moments of wonder we try and process. Small moments that are actually very significant.
God, give me more of your grace for the small moments I face, perhaps even more so on the ‘hum drum’ days. And when no one is looking and I am at my most real, would my heart be tuned to change, to transformation and to grace. Make me hungry for this!
And please, give me more opportunities for a quiet pancake in the bathroom….